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Tweet Now I Got Beef With a 5 Year Old and Her Dad

100+ Funny Tweets Every Parent Can Relate To

Parenting is both challenging and rewarding—and sometimes very, very funny. These totally relatable parenting tweets will make you laugh out loud.

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Funny parenting tweets - kids playing on phones Photo: Ummi Hassian / Shutterstock.com

Parting words

My five-yr-old-son loves YouTube and seems to think that "Please subscribe to my channel" is a way to say farewell. —@emisheep

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Funny parent tweets - little girl holding markers Photo: Shutterstock

The writing's on the wall/table

Kids get all shocked when you figure out they did something incorrect. "Mom, how did you know I coloured on the table?" Because you wrote your name on it. —@fiveoclockmommy

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Funny parent tweets - bored kid e-learning at laptop Photo: Shutterstock

Genius in the making

My wife is a teacher, and apparently one educatee has been irresolute his name to "Reconnecting" during the Zoom lessons so he doesn't become asked any questions. He'due south been doing information technology for weeks. The lad doesn't need to worry almost his education—he's already a genius.  —@chrisarnoldinc

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Funny parent tweets - little boy day dreaming Photo: Shutterstock

Wait until career day

Me: What do you want to do when you lot grow upward?
Four-year-onetime: I desire to drinkable beer.
Me: No, like, what exercise you want to be?
Four-year-old: A beer drinker. —@daddydoubts

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Funny parent tweets - angry little girl Photograph: Shutterstock

Mutual courtesy

My daughter is mad at me because I didn't offering her a banana first thing this forenoon. She hates bananas. —@pro_worrier_

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Funny parent tweets - little girl looking in closet Photo: Shutterstock

Clothes code

After my daughter refused to get dressed, I lost my temper and told her she couldn't come downstairs until she'd inverse out of her pyjamas.

She then changed into another pair of pyjamas. —@dara_bhur_gcara

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Funny parent tweets - confused little boy Photo: Shutterstock

He'll go back to y'all on that

Today I asked a kindergartner if Friday was his favourite 24-hour interval of the week. His response: "I don't know. I don't know a lot of things. I'k confused all the time." —@donomo

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Funny parent tweets - silly prison inmate Photo: Shutterstock

A worthy sacrifice

My daughter asked why she tin can't only quit schoolhouse, and I told her that it's against the law and I could go to jail. She so looked me in the eyes and said: "I'll visit you." —@ceciatl

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Funny parent tweets - stuffed animals Photo: Shutterstock

They abound upwardly so fast

While at a department store, I noticed a girl stare longingly at the stuffed animals and say, "I wish I was still a child."

Her dad, continuing next to her, replied: "You're 10." —@handlebrandle

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Funny parent tweets - tired woman yawning Photograph: Shutterstock

A wrinkle in his plans

While I was lying adjacent to my 4-year-sometime, he looked into my eyes, parted my hair to the side and said, "Mommy, I can't rub the lines out of your face." —@muminbits

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Funny parent tweets - little boy measuring height Photo: Shutterstock

Care to show that?

Dubious claims my toddler fabricated this week:

  • He invented the "thumbs upward."
  • Only "some" lizards tin read.
  • He forgot how to eat carrots.
  • His daycare allows swords. —@henpeckedhal

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Funny parent tweets - girl drawing Photo: Shutterstock

Function model

My seven-year-quondam drew a self-portrait, gift it to herself and hung it upwardly on her wall. From now on, I'g making her my life coach. —@gfishandnuggets

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Hilarious tweets - shark fin from Jaws Photo: Shutterstock

So that'south where he went

When asked past a friend at daycare why she has two moms, my iv-year-old answered that her dad was eaten past a shark. —@bakekater

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Funny parent tweets - kid on tablet Photo: Shutterstock

Tech savvy

My six-year-old: I figured out the password to the tablet and bypassed the parental controls to download all my shows.
Besides my six-year-old: Assist! I put both my legs in the same pant hole and at present I'm stuck! —@not_thenanny

If yous've always provided tech support for your own parents, you'll chronicle to this hilarious story.

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Funny parent tweets - cargo shorts isolated Photo: Shutterstock

Versatile wardrobe

A cursory history of my 11-twelvemonth-one-time'southward attitude toward wearing shorts:
Schoolhouse in wintertime: Shorts
Bedtime: Shorts
Camping: Shorts
Walking the domestic dog on a wet and windy day: Shorts
Expedition to the Northward Pole: Shorts
Voyage the the moon: Shorts —@threetimedaddy

Funny Parenting Tweets - Spilled Milk Photo: Shutterstock

The Laws of Kid Physics

A typical cup holds about eight ounces of liquid. But if a child spills information technology, that number increases to eight gallons. – @homewithpeanut

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Funny Parenting Tweets - Kids In Shorts Photograph: Shutterstock

The Long and Shorts of It

My toddler demanded shorts, and now he's crying that they're broken considering they don't cover his legs. @snarkymomtobe

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Funny Parenting Tweets - Kid Reading Book Photo: Shutterstock

No Spoilers

Six-twelvemonth-old: *Flips to the end of the calendar*
Me: What are you lot doing?
6-yr-old: I want to know what happens. – @xplodingunicorn

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Funny Parenting Tweets - Little Girl Singing Photo: Shutterstock

Born Performers

The magical thing about toddlers is they can be mid-tantrum and seamlessly cut to the best operation of "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" you've e'er seen. – @thatmummylife

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Funny Parenting Tweets - Alarm Clock Photograph: Shutterstock

Time Flies

My four-yr-old used the phrase "a long time agone today" to depict something that happened this morning, and information technology's probably the almost accurate clarification I've ever heard. – @thecatwhisprer

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Funny Parenting Tweets - Pickle Jar Photograph: Shutterstock

Betcha Can't Take Just One

Me: What do you lot want for lunch?
Iii-twelvemonth-quondam: A pickle.
Me: A pickle is non a meal.
Three-twelvemonth-former: Ii pickles. – @daddydoubts

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Funny Parenting Tweets - Pretty Cemetery Photo: Shutterstock

Tomb With a View

My daughter just called a cemetery a "person garden." I'yard non sure what she thinks is going on there. – @java_assassin

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Funny Parenting Tweets - Kid Eating Spaghetti Photograph: Shutterstock

Life is Tough

Me: Why exercise you wait so sad?
Three-yr-old: *sigh* I just really dearest to eat. – @mom_tho

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Funny Parenting Tweets - Kid Raising Hand Photo: Shutterstock

Attention, Delight!

Three-yr-old: Can I tell you a question?
Me: You'd fit in well at an academic talk. – @jessicacalarco

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Funny Parenting Tweets - Mom Wagging Finger At Son Photo: Shutterstock

Exercise As I Say…

A nighttime twenty-four hour period for parents is when their kid learns what "hypocrite" means. – @rodlacroix

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Funny Parenting Tweets - Boy Jumping On Bed Photograph: Shutterstock

Aim For the Moon

Self-confidence is my four-yr-one-time asking me to plough off the ceiling fan so he can show me how high he jumps. – @henpeckedhal

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Funny Parenting Tweets - Family Dabbing Photo: Shutterstock

Trip the light fantastic Like Nobody'southward Watching

Me, to my viii-year-old: Why practise you watch YouTube videos of other people playing video games when y'all could play them yourself?
Eight-year-old: Well, why do yous watch TikTok videos of people dancing when you could do the dances yourself? – @six_pack_mom

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Funny Parenting Tweets - Sleeping Little Boy Photo: Shutterstock

Fit For a Rex

During quarantine, when anybody was stuck at habitation, I decided it was time to replace our x-year-sometime mattresses. I asked my husband, "What size is Danny'south mattress?"

"Queen?" he replied.

I pointed out that our mattress was a queen and that of our son, Danny, had to exist smaller. Danny piped up, "I'm pretty sure it'due south a prince." – Marjorie Potato, Toronto

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Funny Parenting Tweets - Kid Thumbs Up Photo: Shutterstock

As Easy equally Thumb, Two, Iii

I was teaching my three-twelvemonth-old, Becky, how to count to 10 using my fingers. Subsequently a few minutes, I got a little frustrated with her. I started one more fourth dimension and put up my thumb. "What number is this, Becky?" I asked.

She replied, "Pollex!" – Cindy Giles, Coalhurst, Alberta

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Funny Parenting Tweets - Kid Eating Tacos Photograph: Shutterstock

Just Because

My four-year-quondam just asked why she can't consume tacos every twenty-four hour period, and honestly, I call back I'd have an easier time explaining where babies come up from. – @sarabellab123

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Funny Parenting Tweets - Baby Rattle Photo: Shutterstock

Life Lessons Nosotros Lost Forth the Way

I admire how when babies don't want to hold something anymore, they merely drop information technology. – @mixedmediapaper

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Funny Parenting Tweets - Girl Hates Vacuum Photograph: Shutterstock

Early Warning Arrangement

My girl just told me that she checks my location on my phone in club to determine when she's going to commencement on chores. – @tmikamouse

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Funny Parenting Tweets - Kid Performing With Microphone Photo: Shutterstock

Here For the Adulation

I made the grievous mistake of laughing at my five-year-sometime's joke, so at present I must hear that joke repeatedly until I die. – @thecatwhisprer

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Funny Parenting Tweets - Little Girl Waking Up Photo: Shutterstock

Speed of Light

Me: Go back to bed.
Six-twelvemonth-onetime: It'due south fourth dimension to get upwardly.
Me: It's still night outside.
Half dozen-year-old: I'm faster than the lord's day. – @xplodingunicorn

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Shredded colby-Monterey Jack cheese Photograph: Shutterstock

Cheesin'

My four-twelvemonth-one-time simply brought me a block of Colby-Jack cheese and asked for a slice of party cheese. —@ wildrainbow2

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Woman filling up her car at a gas station Photo: Shutterstock

Renewable Fuels

My ii-year-sometime thinks that cars fill up up on soup at the gas station, and now I'm really sad it's non true. —@ ThatMummyLife

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Breakfast fruit Photo: Shutterstock

All-Mean solar day Breakfast

My four-year-sometime but looked up from her breakfast and said, "Uh, Daddy, I ordered fruit, too." So there's at least one dine-in eatery however in functioning during quarantine. —@ TheCatWhisprer

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Cute Asian boy Photo: Shutterstock

Free Will

Me: You know better than to utilize that bad word.
Five-twelvemonth-quondam: Yep.
Me: And so why did y'all?
Five-yr-one-time: My brain said not to, simply my mouth does whatever it wants. —@ Lhlodder

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Cute toddler Photo: Shutterstock

Is This Real Life?

Living with toddlers is like being stuck in an episode of Scooby-Doo, with all the running between rooms and slamming of doors. —@ HomeWithPeanut

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Cute baby posing with baby clothes Photo: Shutterstock

Custom-Made

Why do baby wearing apparel have pockets? Are people really going up to babies and proverb, "Hey, tin can you concord this for a second?" —@ Y2SHAF

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Proud father with his infant son Photo: Shutterstock

Welcome to Parenting

Your choices are:
A) Listen to your toddler scream and cry for x minutes because yous opened their fruit snack.
B) Listen to your toddler scream and cry for 10 minutes considering they don't know how to open their fruit snack. —@ momtribevibe

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Four-year-old boy Photograph: Shutterstock

How to Stop Littering

My 4-twelvemonth-old threw a wrapper on the floor. I told him to selection it upwardly and put information technology where it belonged. He put it in my purse. —@ mommajessiec

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Mom cooking food with young daughter Photo: Shutterstock

Sleep Deprivation

Co-worker: You await tired.
Me: (Remembering that at two a.g. I had to explain to a crying three-year-old that just because it was snowing did not mean it was Christmas.) No idea why. —@ mom_tho

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Smiling toddler Photo: Shutterstock

Slang Words

When my kid was a toddler, my sis tried to teach him to say, "What'southward upwards, homie?" He couldn't pronounce it, and then he went around for like six months saying, "What's up, pony?" —@ anne_theriault

Test your knowledge of these Canadian slang terms!

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Young boy solving math equations Photo: Shutterstock

Math Wiz

There's going to be a betoken in my life when my son looks up at me and thinks, "Gee, my mom knows everything!" And so he'll become to 6th class math course, and I'll say, "Well, kid, this is where we role ways." —@HannahEinbinder

These difficult math problems might just make your caput spin!

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Female babysitter playing with young little girl Photo: Shutterstock

Girls and Boys

The picayune girl I'thou babysitting just asked me if I have a boyfriend. I said, "Not anymore," and she said, "Boyfriends are a waste of time." Then she turned to her brother and told him, "You're gonna exist a waste of time." —@itsmadimay

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Toy food Photograph: Shutterstock

Make-Believe

Sorry, I can't come downwardly for real dinner withal. I have to cease the false meal my toddler is slowly cooking for me. —@WalkingOutside

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Four uncooked sausages on paper Photo: Shutterstock

Old-Time Home Remedies

My v-year-sometime wrapped a sausage effectually my finger and chosen it a Band-Aid. Needless to say, he's become my personal medico. —@dad_on_my_feet

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Tea kettle, honey and tea cup in kitchen concept Photo: Shutterstock

Home Cook

My kid: Can you brand me some tea?
Me: I call back yous're old enough to make it.
Me, 10 minutes after, cleaning honey off every kitchen surface: Ok, you lot were right. —@RodLacroix

Don't miss these hilarious photos of dogs working from domicile.

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Little girl looking through telescope Photo: Shutterstock

Modern-Day Galileo

Eight-year-old: Mom, I desire to study pastrami.
Me: Why, honey?
Viii-year-old: I'k just super interested in the stars. —@pro_worrier_

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Forest landscape Photo: Shutterstock

Idea Experiment

If yous open a candy wrapper in the centre of a wood with nobody around, how long until your children show up and ask what you're eating? —@mommajessiec

These bad dad jokes from Twitter will make you lot LOL!

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Funny little girl with fake glasses writing in a journal Photo: Shutterstock

My Quotable Kid

My four-yr-erstwhile has been carrying a small notebook effectually all day. She opens information technology, writes modest scribbles and quickly closes information technology back up. She's calling information technology her "secret diarrhea." Maybe someday I'll correct her, merely definitely not today. —@momtransparent1

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Plain white bagel cut in half Photo: Shutterstock

Breakfast Issues

Have kids so that someone tin can ask you to cut up their bagel and so enquire you to put it back together. —@OhioMomoftwo

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SpongeBob SquarePants toys Photo: Lazaros Papandreou/Shutterstock

Listen = Diddled

My daughter woke me upwardly at five a.m. to urgently tell me that "Any balloon SpongeBob blows upwardly is technically a water airship," and I have not been able to fall back asleep. —@isabelzawtun

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Young daughter kissing mom outdoors Photograph: Shutterstock

Also Clingy

Me: Mommy merely needs a little space correct now.

Kid [perched on top of my head]: Why? —@LurkAtHomeMom

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Daughter kissing mother while wearing paper crowns Photograph: Shutterstock

An Almost-Compliment

My daughter just asked me if I was 22. I said, "No, I'm 37." Then she asked if I'm actually her grandma. —@UnfilteredMama

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Happy mother and her young son Photo: Shutterstock

He Said, She Said

"… and then Mommy turned into a big mountain where the princess and the dragon had a party!" –My four-year-quondam explaining how I vicious asleep in the middle of our game. —@bunandleggings

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Cute toddler smiling Photo: Shutterstock

The "Why" Phase

Please respect our privacy at this difficult fourth dimension while we bargain with our toddler, who has just entered the "Why?" phase. —@whinecheezit

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Mother and her cute toddler Photograph: Shutterstock

You've Got a Friend in Me

"You're simply similar me: trash!" –My toddler, quoting Toy Story iv to strangers on the street. —@dadthatwrites

On that note, hither are the all-time Halloween movies for kids!

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Tomato ketchup Photo: Shutterstock

The Horror, the Horror

Sometimes I like to live dangerously by putting ketchup on my kid's dinner plate without asking where they would similar it. —@threetimedaddy

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Mother and daughter cooking Photograph: Shutterstock

A Day in the Life

Yesterday, my four-year-old and I painted pictures, went to the park, played house, cooked dinner together and watched a pic. Or, as she described it to her instructor: "I picked upwards a expressionless bug and mommy yelled at me." —@stayathomies

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Funny parenting tweets - surprised toddler Photo: Shutterstock

Hosts With the Almost

How my family preps for guests:
Me: *Tidies upward.*
Husband: *Fires upwards the barbecue.*
Toddler: *Removes all clothing.* —@jannakilimnik

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Funny parenting tweets - peanut butter sandwich Photo: Shutterstock

Goldilocks Strikes Back

Kid: My sandwich has too much peanut butter on it.
Me: *Makes new sandwich.*
Kid: This 1 has likewise little.
Me: *Makes one just right.*
Kid: I don't like peanut butter anymore. —@mommajessiec

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Funny parenting tweets - moon in night sky Photo: Shutterstock

Over the Moon

Today my iv-year-old asked me, "Daddy, does the moon have a job or does information technology only sit there?" —@thecatwhisprer

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Funny parenting tweets - kid at grocery store Photo: Shutterstock

Eagle Eyes

Take kids so you lot e'er have someone to point out how long your nose hairs are while standing in checkout lines. —@rodlacroix

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Funny parenting tweets - tired kid sleeping at desk Photo: Shutterstock

What is a Weekend?

Me: Go yourself ready for school.
5-year-old: Why?
Me: It's Monday.
5-year-former: Can't we just do Sun again? —@Xplodingunicorn

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Funny parenting tweets - disco ball Photo: Shutterstock

Nosotros'll Need to Run into the Carte

My daughter is in her first year of heart school and I asked if she's planning to become to whatsoever of the dances. She said, "Simply if in that location's going to be food." —@Valeegrrl

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Funny parenting tweets - man scared in bed Photo: Shutterstock

(Un)Pleasant Dreams

My child but said good nightmare instead of good night, then no, I will not be sleeping this evening. —@Daddydoubts

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Little girl jumping on bed - funny parenting Tweets Photo: Shutterstock

Role Model

The girl I babysit: I want to exist tall and skinny when I abound up.
Me, realizing the damage society does to young girls simply besides tired to correct her: Me too.
Girl: Like Abraham Lincoln. —@Haleyflynnstead

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Funny parenting Tweets - kid eating sandwich Photo: Shutterstock

How Could You lot?

When you mindlessly cut your kid's sandwich into squares instead of triangles and your whole world collapses around you. —@Henpeckedhal

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Funny parenting tweets - Stirring pot Photo: Shutterstock

No Compliments to the Chef

Seven-year-old: Tin I have a snack?
Me: No, you'll ruin your dinner.
Seven-yr-old: I thought that was your job. —@Xplodingunicorn

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Funny parenting tweets - Kid hates food Photo: Shutterstock

Time to come's Looking Bright

My child just called romaine lettuce "gross kale" so the next batch of humans is coming alone nicely, thank you for asking. —@Lifeattiffanys

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Funny parenting tweets - At the drive thru window Photograph: Shutterstock

At the Drive-Thru Window…

Toddler: Can I say hi?
Me: Aww that'southward sweetness.
*Rolls down window*
Toddler: Two milkshakes, delight! —@Dadzzzasleep

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Funny parenting tweets - Getting photo taken Photo: Shutterstock

Why And then Serious?

Me: Why aren't yous grinning in your school pictures?
Kid: Because I'm at schoolhouse.
Me: And so?
Kid: Can I see your work ID?
Me: Okay, I get it. —@Moooooog35

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Funny parenting tweets - Boy yelling Photograph: Shutterstock

At Ease, Soldier

My son announces that he is going to empty the dishwasher with the same tone and tenor equally if he were off to state of war. —@Junejuly12

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Funny parenting Tweets - kids in a pool Photo: Shutterstock

Some Amenities Are Essential…

Planning a family holiday is mostly just making sure the hotel has a pool. —@Petricksara

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Funny parenting Tweets - t-rex dinosaur toy Photo: Shutterstock

Definitely Deductible

If my kids' toys come to life, I'thousand doing the sensible thing and claiming them on my taxes. —@Pittdave13

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Funny parenting tweets - Cow licking Photo: Shutterstock

When Kids Write Jokes

Knock, knock.
Who'south there?
A cow.
Okay, come in. —@KidsWriteJokes

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Funny parenting Tweets - Grumpy little girl Photo: Shutterstock

Enough is Enough

Seven-year-old: Everybody needs to go home right now. —@XplodingUnicorn

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Funny parenting Tweets - young boy listening Photo: Shutterstock

Lost in Translation

Me: You lot're amazing!
4-twelvemonth-quondam: I'm not a raisin! —@LaGuardiaCross

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Funny parenting Tweets - Mother and young daughter Photo: Shutterstock

Magic Moment

Four-twelvemonth-old: Mommy, what if y'all never would have had kids?
Me: And then I wouldn't know how much I was missing. You make me improve. You aid me love more securely than I e'er thought I could. You fill me with joy and pride. I'm thankful for you and I'm so happy you're here!
Four-year-erstwhile: I'm gonna toot. —@MyMomologue

Bank check out more than hilarious tweets that are guaranteed to make you lot smiling!

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Family on couch Photo: Shutterstock

Wake Up Call

I don't know what kind of life I envisioned myself having at this historic period, but watching a half-naked toddler lick the frosting off a Pop-Tart while sitting on my chest at five:45 a.chiliad. was almost definitely non a part of it. —@DadandBuried

Don't miss these hilariously awkward family unit photos!

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Kids doing gymnastics Photo: Shutterstock

Toe Trouble

Six-year-old: [yelling] Mom! I stubbed my foot pollex!
Me: Your what?
Six-year-one-time: My pes thumb! [points to large toe]
Me: Oh, your Large toe!
Six-year-onetime: Whatsoever! —@ DomesticGoddss

These funny phrases are definitely worth memorizing.

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Kid in sink Photo: Shutterstock

When the Tub is Too Far

Me: What are you doing?
Three-year-quondam: Taking a bath.
Me: Why are you in the sink?
Three-year-onetime: Taking a bathroom!
Me: …
Iii-yr-former: …
Me: Call up to wash your hair. —@ParentNormal

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Kid eating pasta Photo: Shutterstock

Farm to Tabular array

Three-year-old: Tin we go to the farm for dejeuner?
Me: …
Three-year-old: Daddy takes us to the farm.
Me: Um, exercise you lot mean McDonalds?
Three-year-former: Aye. —@andwhatamom

These funny photos of farm animals will leave you smiling.

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Mom and child outside school Photo: Shutterstock

Fair Enough

My son's begging to be habitation schooled and then he can "take a actually long lunch suspension," and, like, that'south valid. —@ValeeGrrl

Want to sound smart? Make sure theseclever jokes are in your arsenal.

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Kid outside Photo: Shutterstock

A New Name

My 2-year-erstwhile referred to her coat pockets every bit "snack holes," and this is what I shall forever call them. —@RebeccaCaprara

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kids jokes sunset Photo: Shutterstock

Two Left Feet

Our 6-year-sometime does a lot of trash talking for someone who puts his shoes on the wrong anxiety xxx per cent of the fourth dimension. —@dad_in_brief

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kids jokes stressed dad Photograph: Shutterstock

Strange Habits

I'k a parent. My hobbies include watching fresh produce rot in my refrigerator and telling my kids that they should have done what I asked the start time. —@PetrickSara

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kid jokes heroes Photograph: Shutterstock

Practice Makes Perfect

Set up your spouse for parent­hood by waking them up at 3 a.thousand. to tell them it's not raining and and so demand some cheese. —@MacgyveringM22

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kids jokes allowance Photo: Shutterstock

Pressing Matters

Real question my kids got out of bed to ask me: "Mom, do you have any twigs I tin apply?" —@ashleyaustrew

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kids jokes book Photograph: Shutterstock

A Love of Literature

Six-year-old: *checks out some other Star Wars book from the school library*
Me: Why practice you always get Star Wars books?
Half-dozen-twelvemonth-onetime: I only read the classics. —@Xplodingunicorn

These corny Stars Wars jokes can be used for whatsoever occasion!

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kids jokes face drawing Photo: Shutterstock

Personal Chef

Before having kids:
"I am NEVER making separate meals for my children."
Iv years afterward: "Let me repeat your order: tricolour pasta (al dente) with butter and cheese on a bed of string cheese on a fairy plate, cup of water with star-shaped ice cubes, yogurt 2 means, Cheez-Its." —@bretjturner

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kids jokes comic mom ladder Photo: Shutterstock

Fish have Feelings

Son: What'south for dinner?
Me: Fish.
[He screams, starts hyperventilating, begins to suspension from reality.]
Son: [All of a sudden stops] Await. Have I always had fish? —@DadandBuried

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kids jokes costume Photo: Shutterstock

Call Steve Irwin

Recently, a piffling boy politely said hi to my nephew. He responded, "Hi! I am Alligator" and pretended to swallow the other kid with his artillery. I have never been prouder. —@karencheee

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Tweets about parenting Photo: Shutterstock

A New Godzilla

My four-year-old is insisting he'll just eat "monster nutrient," and whatsoever that is, it'due south definitely not the grilled cheese my wife just fabricated. —@Dadpression

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kids jokes mess up Photo: Shutterstock

A Personalized Bath

My friend Luke didn't realize until he was an developed that lukewarm was a existent temperature. He thought it was simply a term his mom used to describe his bathwater. —@Adam__Melia

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kids jokes what we did Photo: Shutterstock

Don't Cry Over Spilled Milk

Four-twelvemonth-old: Daddy, I spilled some milk.
Me: A little or a lot?
Iv-twelvemonth-one-time: A tiny bit.
Me: Okay.
Four-year-onetime: But that tiny bit went everywhere. —@Distracted_Dad

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kids jokes icecream Photo: Shutterstock

Public Enemy

I told my daughter that showing her chewed-upward food to her brother in public is gross, and she said, "Well I'm non here for the people." —Saladin Ahmed, writer

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kids jokes cutouts Photograph: Shutterstock

Swallow Your Veggies

"The carrots are working!"—My six-year-former son, finding his shoes in a night room. —@whatbabytalk

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kids jokes spaghetti kid Photo: Shutterstock

Make Information technology Rain

*Making macaroni and cheese*
5-year-former: I wanna put the cheese in!
Me, handing her open packet of powder: Okay, tin you very carefully pour this in?
Five-year-onetime: *Just waves the packet around similar she'south throwing rice at a wedding* —@copymama

Celebrate the joys of gastronomy with these amazing movies about cooking.

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kids jokes ballet Photograph: Shutterstock

No Paparazzi, Please!

Me to a child in the elevator holding a stuffed sus scrofa: Hey! Is that a pig?
Kid: He doesn't similar you.
Me: How can I make him like me?
Kid: If you stop request questions. —Helen Rosner, food author

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A Real Bad Boy

Ane of the weirdest things people would enquire me when my child was younger was, "Is he a proficient infant?"
Oh, no, this is one of those extremely bad babies. He runs an organized crime syndicate from his crib and sneaks cigarettes whenever I'm not looking. —Anne Thériault, writer

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kids jokes baby computer Photograph: Shutterstock

On Repeat

If you lot're on the contend about having kids, I suggest you listen to the aforementioned YouTube prune for v days directly, then see how you feel. —@ramblinma

Go ready to reminisce with these hilariously bad-mannered first osculation stories.

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kid jokes cake face Photo: Shutterstock

Have Your Cake and Eat it, Likewise

3-twelvemonth-quondam: *confront covered in frosting*
Me: Were you eating cake?
Three-year-sometime: No. I just kissed it. —@XplodingUnicorn

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kids joke unicycle Photo: Shutterstock

Animals are Friends

[Making pigs in a blanket]
Six-year-old: We can't call them that. We have a squealer.
Me: What should we call them?
Six-year-former: Nobody y'all know in a coating. —@XplodingUnicorn

Brighten your day with these funny animal pictures.

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kids jokes comic tunnel Photo: Shutterstock

Future Biologist

Me: You know yous can ask me anything, sweetie. That's what I'm here for.
Nine-year-old: Why are arms the only torso parts that have a pit?
Me: Just go to sleep. —@Pork_Chop_Hair

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kids jokes broccoli Photo: Shutterstock

Foreign Cookbook

Eight-year-sometime: How come y'all simply cook nutrient that I hate?
Me: Well, for starters, I continue a secret recipe book called Meals Kids Hate.
Eight-year-sometime: …
Me: …
Eight-year-onetime: *Whispers, wide-eyed.* I knew it! —@LurkAtHomeMom

From tips to misunderstandings, these hilarious food Tweets will make you lot… hungry.

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kids joke math problem Photo: Shutterstock

Philosopher in the Making

My daughter woke me upwards at 5 a.m. to urgently tell me "Any airship SpongeBob blows up is technically a water balloon," and I accept non been able to fall back comatose. —@isabelzawtun

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kid jokes messy kid Photo: Shutterstock

Strange Stalker

Sometimes I miss having a toddler, simply then I hear one throwing a tantrum because "The moon keeps following me," and I retrieve, "Yeah, I'm expert." —@FatherWithTwins

You won't want to miss these hilarious calorie-free seedling jokes.

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kids jokes dad study Photo: Shutterstock

Helping Hand

Me, the first fourth dimension my kid tries to assistance out: "Oh, that's so overnice. Thanks."
Me, every other fourth dimension since: "Pal, get out of the dishwasher. We need to leave in less than an hour." —@thedad

Upward your humor game with these hilarious short jokes.

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kids jokes bears Photo: Shutterstock

Condiment Lover

Me: The broth in this beef stew I made is really good.
Son: Slowly squeezes ketchup into stew without breaking eye contact. —@KateWhineHall

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kids jokes egg salad Photo: Shutterstock

A Bulletin From Beyond the Grave

Me: *dies*
My kids: *using the Ouija board*
H-I
M-O-M
W-H-A-T
A-R-Due east
Y-O-U
1000-A-K-I-Due north-G
F-O-R
D-I-N-N-Eastward-R? —@Carbosly

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kids jokes party Photograph: Shutterstock

Guessing Game

A children's birthday party game: judge which guests are contagious. —@PetrickSara

These jokes most birthdays are guaranteed to go a laugh!

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kids jokes pushup Photograph: Shutterstock

Daily Motivation

Instead of brushing her teeth like I asked, my five-year-old went to the bathroom, lay downward in front of the toilet and took a nap. I guess what I'm trying to say is she's my new life coach. —@daddysdigest

Get through the week with these funnyjokes about work.

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kids jokes college Photo: Shutterstock

Back-Handed Compliment

Girl: What'southward nostalgia?
Wife: It'southward when y'all miss something that's really old.
[Later] Me: I'chiliad home from piece of work!
Wife: Aww, nosotros missed you!
Daughter: [whispering] Nostalgia. —@NewDadNotes

Looking for more laughs? Check out the funniest Reader'due south Digest jokes ever.

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Photograph: Shutterstock

Hamper Damper

How to stay on top of the laundry when you take two or more kids:
one. You tin't.
2. Find a new dream. —@MacgyveringM22

If you enjoyed these funny parenting tweets, you lot won't want to miss our roundup of the best Canadian jokes of all time.

Reader's Digest Canada

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Source: https://www.readersdigest.ca/culture/funny-tweets-parenting/

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